I had a very rough relationship back home. It was so bad that I wanted to commit suicide, but I held on because I knew God had something better for me. This was a guy I took care of for three good years. Everything he did or wore was funded by me. I even helped his family at the expense of mine. When my mother got tired of talking about our relationship, she stopped talking to me. Can you believe my own mother blocked me because of this guy? Did I leave him when this happened? No, I still stayed.
This guy asked for a break-up whenever we got into a fight. I didn’t want to lose him so I begged him to take me back every time. He broke up with me last year and I just wanted to die. It was at a time when I had lost everything. My business collapsed because of him. So I expected him to be there for me but no. While my life was in shambles, his life was taking shape.
He was getting big contracts that came with big money. I, on the other hand, was sacked from the house because of an abortion he made me do. I was homeless. When I asked to live with him he told me, “I don’t have any help for you. Go wherever you want to go.” I had no choice but to look for a hostel. I lived there for several months. By then I was working on my school application to travel to the USA to study.
God being so good, I got my visa in January this year. Two months before I got the visa, Kwabena and I got back together. This made me put his name in my documents as my husband so he could travel with me. I got him the invite but I had to leave the country first.
It was when I got to America that my mental health declined. I was lonely and depressed. I had no friends or family to talk to. The one person I expected to be there for me too, started acting up again. He would turn off his data, and call me when it was 12 am in Ghana. “I only use midnight bundle because I don’t have money to buy regular bundle,” he would explain.
I was struggling to stand on my feet so my parents sent me money from Ghana. I shared the money with Kwabena. Sometimes I asked them to give him the money to send to me. He would keep what he desired and send me whatever was left. When I complained, he got angry. And when he got angry he told me, “I want us to break up.” This happened in January, February, and March. So it’s safe to say that he threatened to break up with me at least once a month.
Before the last break-up happened, he ghosted me for a week because I wanted him to communicate. I just needed someone to talk to. When I expressed my needs he said, “I don’t have to be talking to you every day.” Then he stopped talking to me for an entire week. I called him after the week ended and he picked up. I tried to work out our problems but he didn’t want. “I don’t want to be with you anymore,” he announced. I just saw okay. This time around I was also done.
He said I wasn’t submissive. Me? I used to do his laundry, buy him clothes, put money in his pocket, and clean his house. Whatever a woman did to make a man feel loved, I did it all for him. So when we finally had enough, I stopped fighting for his love.
After him, my cousin introduced his friend to me. He wanted me to have a friend in this foreign land. This friend is a doctor here who works in a very big company. We spoke for some months and he helped me get a place to stay for the summer when I didn’t have anywhere to go. He made his uncle take me in.
He doesn’t stay in New York but he visited me when I arrived. Our relationship was so intense. We often spoke about marriage and I was sure he was the one for me. The first time we met, I felt like I had known him all my life. That day we made love. I was on the pill so we didn’t use a condom. Little did I know that another pregnancy was knocking on the door of my womb. The pills failed and I conceived.
When I told this guy about it he said I tricked him. He thought I was trying to trap him with pregnancy for marriage or child support. I was a student, broke, and alone. Why would I purposely get pregnant? His uncle advised me to keep the baby but I already made up my mind that I wouldn’t. To make matters worse, this guy stopped answering my calls and replying to my texts. That’s how I quietly got rid of the pregnancy. Later I found out that he was getting married.
After I put that drama behind me, I started paying attention to a guy in an African market somewhere in June when I first moved to the Bronx. I had so much stuff so he offered to drop me off at my place, and took my number afterwards. I ignored him in the initial stages after our encounter because the doctor was in the picture. He didn’t give up on me. He kept calling and texting me until I found myself single.
Getting to know him has been a blessing. I know almost all the fun places in New York because of him. Although he was born in New York, he never visited the Statue of Liberty until he took me there. That is not the reason I like him though.
I love him because he is so kind, reserved, caring and, compassionate. One of the challenges I faced when school resumed was money. My school asked me to pay $3000 before I could register for my classes because I didn’t get a full scholarship. If I didn’t pay the money they were going to cancel my Visa for me to leave the States or live here illegally.
Honestly, I didn’t want to tell Jean about my problems but he knew I was worried. He kept asking me, “Chérie, what’s wrong with you?” Every time he asked, I said I was fine. He knew I was withholding something from him so he kept pressing me to talk to him. Eventually, I told him about my financial challenges.
He didn’t say anything. He didn’t make any promises. He just gave me $2000 to settle my debts. That day I broke down and cried. I didn’t expect anyone to ever hand me that amount of money for free. My gratitude was a stream that ran wild in fat drops of tears.
Another amazing thing about him is how much he considers me. He insists on picking me up from work because he knows it’s unsafe for me to take the train at the time I close. I live in the Bronx and work in Brooklyn. That’s over an hour and a few minutes drive in and the same time out. This gesture alone is proof of his love for me.
We want to spend the rest of our lives together but our tribal differences have become an ugly stain on the pure love we share. He is originally from Togo. His tribe is Ewe while I am an Ashanti from Ghana. My parents have warned me so many times not to bring home anyone from that tribe. He also says his family forbids him from marrying outside their tribe.
How I Met The Woman Of My Dreams
Left to me alone, none of their objections matter. I don’t care at all. I am willing to fight for him. However, he is unsure of what he would like to do. The day he told me about his parents’ stance on our relationship, he cried. It was the first time I saw a man shedding tears. “I love you so much ma chérie,” he couldn’t stop saying. I believe he loves me but I don’t know what to do now. I am not sure if I should keep fighting or leave him.
The only thing I am sure of is our love for each other. After all my bad relationships, I have finally found a good man. How can I just let him go? Please, what can I do to convince him that we are worth fighting for?
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