I’ll be honest. My wife divorced me because of cheating. I had no reason to cheat except for the fun of it and also the idea that I could get any woman I wanted when I wanted her. We were married for fifteen years and got divorced when I was forty-eight years old with three kids under our belt.
At first, I didn’t mind about the divorce. I went through it with breeze until we got to the final stage where it became official.
It hit me like a thunderbolt that I was going to lose someone I’d been with for over twenty years of my life. There was no turning back at that point so we signed and parted peacefully. A few months later, she relocated with the kids while I was living in our family house, about to start life all over again.
I told myself I wasn’t going to give birth again so I went around looking for a woman who had no desire for kids. It was very hard. The ones who said yes were not the ones I wanted to be with in the long term. The ones I wanted to be with in the long term said, “No, I will want to have kids with the man I settle with.” Even the woman with three children already wanted more.
So I had to give up on women and live my life. Currently, I have no desire for women, not their presence or their companionship. I feel like I’ve had enough but living life alone at fifty is hard, especially when you’ve wasted over twenty years of such life.
So I wake up and miss my ex-wife and the children. I miss raising the kids. I miss watching them crawl, walk and talk gibberish. I miss being a father so I pick up the phone and call the boy.
He feels distant, like he hasn’t forgiven me for abandoning the ship amid turbulent seas. I force the conversation; stretch the words until I get three minutes of talk time with him. The girls don’t want to hear my voice. They feel wounded by what I did to their mom.
You Don’t Have To Ask A Woman What She Brings To The Table
I won’t sit here and pretend all is well. I’ve lost their mother but I can’t afford to lose them so I’m saving money. I’ll travel and stay not too far from them. I’ll establish a new relationship with them. I’ll begin again. I’m fifty but not scared to start all over again. It’s the price I have to pay for being wayward. If you’re reading this, I want you to know this, there’s always a price to pay so live well.
— Tom
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